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You know you are a Lutheran…

Another 2001 e-mail from my sister regarding what you need to know about Lutherans. Enjoy!

You may know some Lutherans and may have wondered what they believe.
The following list was compiled by a 20th century Lutheran who, upon observing other Lutherans, wrote down exactly what he saw or heard.

1. Lutherans believe in prayer but would practically die if asked to pray out loud in public.
2. Lutherans believe in the Bible but do not think Bible study is for them after confirmation.
3. Lutherans feel that they learned it all in confirmation classes until they have to teach Sunday School.
4. Lutherans like to sing except when confronted with a new hymn or a hymn with more than four verses.
5. Lutherans listen to sermons with great interest except when they are thinking of something or if the topic is money.
6. Lutherans believe their pastors will visit them in the hospital even if they don’t notify them.
7. Lutherans usually follow the official liturgy and will feel it is heir way of suffering for their sins.
8. Lutherans believe in miracles and even expect miracles especially during their stewardship visitation programs or when passing the plate.
9. Lutherans think that the Bible forbids them from crossing the aisle while “passing the peace”.
10. Lutherans feel that applauding for their children’s choirs would take them too proud and conceited.
11. Lutherans drink coffee as if it were the Third Sacrament.
12. Lutherans usually want to sit in the back pews except when people re ushered out from the front after the service.
13. Some Lutherans still believe that an ELCA bride and an LCMS groom make for a mixed marriage.
14. Lutherans feel guilty for not staying to clean up after their own=20 wedding reception in the fellowship hall.
15. Lutherans are willing to pay up to a dollar for a meal at church.
16. Lutherans think that Garison Keillor’s stories are totally actual.
17. Lutherans still serve Jell-O in the proper liturgical color for the season and think that peas in a tuna noodle hot dish add oo much color.
18. And lastly, Lutherans believe it’s OK to poke fun at themselves and not take themselves too seriously.

More observations: You know you’re a Lutheran when . . .
1. You hear something really funny during the sermon and smile s loudly as you can.
2. It’s 100 degrees, with 90% humidity, and you still have coffee after the service.
3. Doughnuts are a line item in the church budget, just like coffee.
4. The communion cabinet is accessible to all but the coffee cabinet is locked up tight.
5. You notice the Kool-Aid stock shoots up during VBS season.
6. Your church library has three Jell-O cookbooks.
7. A capital fund drive is needed to finance the new one million cup coffee pot.
8. All your relatives graduated from a college named Concordia.
9. All your casserole dishes have your name printed on masking tape on he bottoms.
10. Potluck dinners are your favorite indoor sport.
11. You watch a “Star Wars” movie and when they say, “May the force be with you,” you respond, “And also with you.”
12. Your pastor refers to St. Louis as the “Holy City”.
13. You know all the words to the first verse of “Silent Night” in German but can’t speak a word of it.
14. You sing “Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus” while sitting down.
15. You have the uncontrollable urge to sit in the back of ANY room.
16. Your ushers have to rope off the last church pews so the front isn’t empty.
17. You actually understand those folks from Lake Wobegon, MN.
18. And lastly, it takes 10 minutes to say “goodbye

Categories: BestOf, Christian, Lutheran

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